just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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