just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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