Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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