I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She tied me up with her honor cords...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
