i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You are a genius and a whore.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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