i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
