you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
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it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
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You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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