I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
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