I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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