R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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