she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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