"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
