Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
