I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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