WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
