it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
