the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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