I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
