dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
