his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
