Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
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Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
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This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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