I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
We have started to decorate penises.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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