I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
