just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
