The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
