he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
