Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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