next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
