I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
