I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
