3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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