Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
