well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
