i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
