I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
where does the pee come out of this thing
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize