I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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