my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize