I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
