Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis needs a shock collar
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize