she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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