There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
