I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
