yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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