i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
