I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
