**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We left the knife in your bed.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
