i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
