Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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