My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Why is your signature on my underwear?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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