so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Someone came in the potted fern
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
