We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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