if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm too high and old for this...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
