People with herpes should wear stickers.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
