after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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