yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
