my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
