That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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