I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
