I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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