just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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