Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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