apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
