I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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