tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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