Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
