So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
