do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
