Sponge bath it is.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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