I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
