you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
