Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
