I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
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Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
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Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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