Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
