you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Randomize
