Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
