Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
