Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
even my farts smell like vagina
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
